


CDLVII.

by Ex-Genesis (SevlinRipley)



Category: Indiana Jones Series
Genre: Angst, Father/Son Incest, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 14:25:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13436682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevlinRipley/pseuds/Ex-Genesis
Summary: On the way home [Post Crystal-Skull] to the States, Mutt and Indiana must decide how to react, or not react, to the news that they're son and father.





	CDLVII.

His heart stops. Has to have done with the way his chest aches. They look at each other, expressions a mirror reflection of confusion, disbelief... fear. Mutt can only blink, turn his head away, forcing himself to pay attention to staying alive. If it's even worth it, now.

But fight or flight, Mutt knows he'll live through this, even if he'll die from shame later.

Even for someone as strong-willed as he, finding out Indy's his father is a great blow. What a cosmic joke he's been made into. As if he hadn't already felt singled out, forsaken. There'd been a pull between them, one that made him feel connected and less afraid. The perpetual lonesomeness he'd felt for so long potentially erased in one request from his mother. Meet Dr. Jones; request his help to recover Ox and help her escape the same demons. Mutt had only done what was asked of him, been trying to save the two people in his life who actually mattered.

Find another. Take it away.

Unless the universe was stupid, of course. Didn't realize that Mutt's feelings were steadfast in going beyond admiration, devotion... But to hell with him, right?

 

"Hey. Kid," Indy says, sat at his side on the plane ride home by Marion's request. Mutt had watched him make an excellent argument in favor of the Ox taking the seat, since really, it was Oxley who'd been Mutt's father figure growing up, whom Mutt had almost lost. Indy'd watched him tear up in Ox's room at the asylum, and knew how much it meant to have him back, safe. Just as much as it had meant for his mother to be rescued. Either one would have made sense, to put Mutt at ease as they headed State-side.

But no. His mother was always so pushy, so sure of other's needs. Apparently now that he knew his father existed and wasn't a terrible person, she thought they had something to talk about.

If only she knew...

Jaw squared, Mutt's hands clutch his knee caps as he stares out the little, dust-covered window. Wondering how far silence can get him. At least the white noise of the engine, and his mother and Ox's soft snoring a few seats back give his brain some extra padding for the sharp thoughts bounding through his head.

"You're disappointed," Indy says, mostly a statement, with a hint of a question. ' _Yeah_ , I _am_ disappointed,' he wants to say in response. Yet as valid as that feeling was, he knew for any normal person, having Indiana Jones for a father was probably pretty lucky. He was smart, strong, adventurous, willing to teach, brave, and had even been encouraging of Mutt's chosen lot in life when he barely knew him. All qualities any little boy would dream of having in their dad.

Mutt wasn't normal. He never had been. Now he was off the charts strange. Brain nearly uninhabitable. Thoughts not safe for consumption. Warning: Hazardous material. Likely to self-destruct.

"I'd understand if you're disappointed," Indy says again. And this time Mutt just wants to tell him to _shut up_. Mutt continues the tactic of drowning any further conversation out with quiet. But as with everything else in his life, it backfires completely. Indy heaves a sigh, then catches Mutt's chin in his fingers, gently, but forcefully turning Mutt's face toward his. "C'mon, kid, we had some fun, didn't we?"

His eyes might be cross-eyed, looking at the tip of his nose just to avoid Indy's gaze. Probably looks stupid. Good; he is.

Then his heart stutters again, as Indy's thumb caresses the dip underneath his lower lip, and Mutt's eyes look up without asking. Indy's eyes are dark and imploring and - Mutt jerks his head back, away, shoulders curling in on themselves as he scoots as far into the side of the plane as he can.

Crazy. He's gone absolutely crazy. There he'd gone and thought Ox completely lost his mind, felt sorry for him, mourned him. All the while it was _him_ getting lost. Because it felt like Indy was saying something in that moment, that touch, that no one but Mutt could possibly actually mean. Was it too soon to mock himself with 'an apple doesn't fall far from the tree'? Cause he had two trees, now, and although his mother absolutely had her bat-shit crazy moments; they were nothing like this. The fact that he can actually wonder if Indy feels the same knots, the same ties...

Mutt tries not to flinch when Indy swoops up, and down the small aisle all of the sudden. Tells himself to breathe and let it go. This is just preparation for the future in which he has little-to-no communication with his father (again) even though this time he knows him. The future where their conversations, as few as they are, are completely disjointed and worthless. Both pulling away by miles until it's just too easy not to pretend they can interact anymore, and so stop trying altogether. Fucking perfect!

He tries not to look, keep his eyes focused literally anywhere else, but his curiosity beats him down like a whip. There's only a crack of a view between their seats, and he can just barely see over the top of them. So he settles for glancing down the middle. Indy's hands are flexing at his sides, occasionally shifting into a fist, as he walks back, and then begins to turn toward the front. Mutt's slapped back to reality, and turns around to mind his business.

Or, he _thinks_ he's found resolved until Indy stalks passed their seats, and looks like he's thinking about something so hard he might actually be muttering to himself. What he's actually saying doesn't make it to Mutt's ears. Mutt flushes, though, wondering whether he's royally pissed Indy off, or if the anger is geared toward his mother. If Mutt weren't so self-centered, he'd be frustrated with his mother, too. Since she could have tried to introduce them years before - before Mutt even knew what it meant to feel like you could give yourself to a person. Could have stopped it all before it even had a chance to start. Given Mutt a normal life. More normal. As normal as _he_ ever could have deserved.

Shaken when Indy plops back down into his seat, Mutt lets his head hit the metal rim of his window, eyes closing against the pain, and the appreciation of a decent distraction radiating out from the point.

Until the toes of Indy's shoes hit the sides of his, and Indy begins yell-whispering at him. At which point Mutt furrows his brow. "You don't wanna talk to me? Fine. Then you're gonna listen, instead. I know what happened. Anybody with half a brain would know! And I happen to know that you have a whole brain in there, and a good one at that. I won't let you pretend - or not even pretend, but skulk away like you're over it when I know that you're not."

Nostrils flaring, Mutt sucks in a breath, hands moving up to slick his hair back. Right what isn't even wrong, there. As he tries to figure out what the hell he's supposed to say to that. It still sounds like Indy _does_ understand what he's having a problem with. But if he's wrong, if Mutt starts talking and any sort of confusion dawns on Indy's face? He's fucked. So fucked. Because Indy'll put two and two together and then he'll have to deal with that for the rest of his relentlessly abusive life.

"Look at me, kid." The 'please' hangs in the air, and Mutt realizes that it doesn't just _sound_ like Indy's begging. He _is_.

Although he feels like his vibrating with fear and a thousand other emotions, enough to excuse him from taking part in this painful ordeal, Mutt acquiesces. Slowly turning his head, rolling it so that it still connects with the cool metal of the plane siding. Indy looks desperate, despite the volume of his voice. And Mutt couldn't possibly comprehend that feeling any more. A sense of numbness draws a blanket over Mutt's mind as he looks into Indy's soulful eyes. His best when he's passionate. "You're my father," Mutt says. Aloud. His ears could bleed from how _loud_ it rings out through his brain, as dull as it is outside his body.

He watches as Indy visibly swallows, and a minute nod of his head has Indy deflating slightly. "I know," he says, an urgency to his voice that sounds misplaced. "I didn't know. But I know."

"I know," Mutt repeats, pulling his gaze away, back to nothing, since Indy has done the same.

It takes a minute or so, and then, apparently having found some footing after Mutt dragged him back to earth, Indy says, "Listen. I know this is quite out of the ordinary - much like the rest of my life - but. I _can_ multi-task." His voice is gruff, edging on bitter amusement. Yet still confident. Before Mutt can even get a resounding 'What?' out of his mouth, Indy goes on to explain. "Archeologist, teacher, collector, 'lover' - _dad_." Mutt's jaw drops, as he turns wild eyes on Indy, who's only half-turned toward him, and seems to be talking to an invisible box hanging in the air between his hands. "I understand if that last thing isn't really... something you need, right now. I know that Oxley's pretty much been there for you from the beginning, and I have no intention of stepping out of my bounds there. He's a better father, I'm sure, than I could ever be."

Eyes widening further, Mutt presses his lips into a thin line before whispering, "Are you serious right now?" Interrupting Indy's audible reverie. Line of thought. Reasoning. Debate?

Indy looks up at him, like he's surprised, and then Mutt's heart starts racing again and he can see a sincerity there he never would have expected from someone as _cool_ as Indiana Jones. Mutt's two seconds from getting this look on his face, he knows. The one where he's seen something helpless trying _so_ hard that it's endearing. "Indy, that's not... possible."

"Isn't it?" Indy asks. A simple question. But a loaded one. Technically, physically, it is. Maybe even mentally. Emotionally. But morally...? Wouldn't that just set the dial _right_ on the top of the blocky letters spelling 'HELL'? Mutt had never thought he was afraid of going to hell before, thought that morals were something squares used to get themselves off. But now that he's facing something he's certain a genuine majority of the world would frown upon? He feels like a fly trapped in honey.

It would be so sweet just to stay there, say 'fuck it' and go along with the insanity that Indy was suggesting. But it would be something they could never, ever in a million years, take back. Once in, they had to be in. Caught until death. Potentially punished for eternity? But they also said that about homosexuals anyway. And Mutt already knew he at least had the ability to follow through on _those_ tendencies, so wasn't he screwed from the beginning anyway? Did he really have that much to lose?

On the other hand, it wasn't like he could just _date_ Indy. Explore his feelings for a while before committing. They'd been through a lot together, and maybe that was enough. It had felt like enough... until his mom had told them the truth. It had felt like the perfect moment to accept himself for who he was and give into the idea of really _being_ with someone. Back when there was an escape button, Mutt would have said yes without another second's thought.

This is it though. If they get serious - and it already is in so many ways - then how they could possibly manage an amicable break-up if things don't work out... Mutt can't see one. And that fear holds him by one hand. The logical side of his brain. While another fear, entirely, takes him by the heart. The piece that's truly been causing him pain in these recent hours: the fear of _not_ being able to act on how he feels, as foolishly deep as it is.

"It's not that easy," he says softly, heart-broken about it, unable to look at Indy.

Indy's hand comes to rest over his, encircling it firmly, over Mutt's thigh. "Nothing's easy, kid. That's how we know we're alive."

**Author's Note:**

> ~~I wish this ship didn't mean so much to me... It makes me sick.~~


End file.
